So I was walking along the path to ascension, nothing strange going on, when one morning I lost an aspect. Not just any aspect, but one of my most cherished and precious ones: the Artist. You know which aspect I’m talking about: this slightly obsessive, passionate for life, curious and ambitious aspect that makes you participate in silly competitions, refuse the job offer that pays well, or even sell yourself, because after all you are the expression of yourself. That aspect that practices with patience for years just to someday get the chance of sharing your art with others. I love all the arts, but the one art form I have spent many lifetimes with and used to have such a passion for in this lifetime is theatre. Theatre, which is as old as human communities and the meeting place of so many art forms.
I checked my pockets, everywhere, but the aspect was gone. I felt inside my heart to make sure, but it was useless – the passion was gone. The drive, the lust to create art. All gone. I panicked: What’s left of me, when this essential part of me is missing? Who am I, when I’m not on the stage, and more, I don’t even have a yearning to be there! I try to get inspired, care about my technique, but I don’t I try to call forth that ambitious self that would go through anything for a part in a play, but there’s no desire, much less ambition. I imagine this is what it feels like to get divorced. After all, this aspect has been in my life for a long time; I actually used to be madly in love with it.
So what happens now that I’m not an artist anymore? It’s almost like being nothing, because it’s worth nothing in my world. We human angels after all were born to be creators. Maybe I was a mistake and don’t belong here? Perhaps I’ve just discovered my true Self that is utterly inartistic? The thoughts are jumping in my head, getting louder by the minute. Maybe I’ll just die this very moment since my number one reason for being on Earth (to create) has lost its value to me. Okay, let’s not be too dramatic here. The point is, I’ve lost what used to be my point of existence. Maybe the aspect will come back to me tomorrow, maybe it just needed a short break…
I do the one thing that’s left in a situation without solutions: I take a deep breath. My life might be falling apart, but let’s just take a deep breath before we continue to panic (that’s me talking to myself).
Well… There is one explanation I wasn’t aware of before. Could it be, that the reason why I can’t see my goals with passion anymore is because I’ve reached them? Maybe I’ve reached the end of the road labelled ‘creating art for the purpose of a better world’. Maybe I’ve fulfilled that part. Maybe the only door open to me now is in the direction of ‘creating art solely for the purpose of me, out of joy, whenever and in whatever way I want to in the moment’. So yes, I can let go of dreams of supporting myself economically through art, because I no longer want to do it for other people or their money. I love other people; I just don’t love doing something because of them. Walt Disney once said: “I don’t make movies to make money, I make money to make movies”.
So I assume that the aspect didn’t vanish, but it certainly went through a transformation. Maybe there can be passion without obsessive ambition. I’ve created out of need for so many lifetimes, now it’s time to create purely out of joy. If and when I feel like it, on my terms. Also, I believe it’s time to free the term ‘art’ of its tight limitations. Who said art needs to be a product? Art for me is when you say an unexpected sentence in a real life situation that makes the heads of everyone in the room turn. Art is when you decide to wear red clothes in the morning (because clearly that day’s colour is red!) and then choose to drink coffee from a red mug instead of a takeaway cup simply because red really resonates with you in that moment. Or when you sing in the grocery store, or write a love letter to your husband and place it one the refrigerator door even though you see him every day. When you buy a flower bouquet for yourself or pour chocolate syrup on your apple during snack time simply to experience the sensation. Art is seeing and expressing the beauty of something, of anything.
Actually, while we’re at it, why not just get rid of the term ‘Artist’ that causes so many creative souls to doubt themselves. I’m a human, so I am a creator! I can create a human inside my body, for heaven’s sake, so if anybody dares to question whether I’m an artist or not (including my aspects), well, I just don’t care anymore. Truly, it’s time to allow ourselves to dream and imagine and be creative without needing to attach specific outcomes, goals or identities to those experiences.
Welcome! This blog is written for anyone who is committed to realizing their enlightenment – so proceed at your own risk. My name is Kim, and I will be the host of this virtual dimension. If you listen carefully, you will hear the fire crackling in the fireplace. The flames are there to remind you of your internal fire, the ever-burning passion of the soul. Take a cup of your favourite beverage, lean back in your comfortable armchair, and enjoy the read.